Sunday, January 23, 2011

Status Changin'

Greetings Fam!

Zenzile has filled you in on what’s been going on these days with us at LJL.  We’ve been dealing with the brushes of issues that accommodate the art of loving fiercely. I could go into all of the details but then I really don’t want to bore you with them, no, that’s not true—actually, I don’t want to intimidate or discourage you.  Instead, I’ll use my situation to illustrate a larger point.  

Remember my post on Love Meditations?  At that time, I was standing on the verge of an impasse and hesitated at surrendering as I was completely unwilling to give up on this particular love affair.  Vested time was the primary motivator for trying to hang in there. But then, one had to eventually come to one’s senses to surmise that wasting time is just wasting time.  The attempts at mulling it over to find a new spin had completely grown stale.

When Zenzile started this blog, I was grooving to a composition filled with desires for passionate encounters with my lover.  My writings were sweetened with the delicious morsels of loving a man who held real estate in my heart.  Now, it seems as though the tide has shifted, simply because I made a status change. 

Love called….he didn’t answer so….


At first, I did not want to own it fully—going from one state of vulnerability to another – initially open to my lover’s strategy until he abandoned it and now I’m wide open to the flawed possibilities and new opportunities that comes with starting over.  Let me forewarn you that there may be times when melancholy notes will seep through my writings on this blog.  Bear with me. I’ll get over it.  I’m in a place where I feel as though I am betraying myself  if I continued to desire him.  Of course, that won’t go away overnight.  It has to fade away a little bit with each passing day. 

Zenzile asked me about my new plans as if I’ve had time to develop any.  Because I’ve been consumed with what my status change means to me,  I haven’t given much thought as to what to do with it.   During our conversation, I gave her an overdrawn explanation that culminated in a sophisticated answer of ‘I don’t know’.   To be honest, I’m not really sure where to go from here.

Have you ever been in this position?  If so, share.  You never know who you might be helping.         


  1. Yes, I have been in that position of, "Do I stay?" and hold on to the hopes of what might be or " Do I go?" because my time is too precious to waste and deep down I knew it would never be. I didn't like that position so I left. My feelings are still there but I'm gone. Some people take it day by day, but thanks to advice from my BFF, I'm learning to take it minute by minute. This process of getting over him and moving on, to me... is similar to weight loss, it didn't get here overnight and it's not going to be gone overnight .

  2. Thanks Anonymous! It's been getting easier for me day by day as well. After four years of back and forth, hot and cold, I had to decide that moving on would be in my best interests -- to simply stop waiting and holding that spot in my life open for him. I feel good about washing my hands of the situation -- but I'm also terrified at the fact that I have to get back into navigating these shark-infested waters.

  3. This is a new anon...Recently I married the love of my life. And for a while everything was going least until his friends started getting in his ear and telling him that he was henpecked. The saddest part was that we weren't married no more than six months. I was hesitant on telling anyone on the social sites because I didn't want the world in my business...but I finally did. And now? Six months later, we're about to start divorce proceedings. I changed my status recently, but it doesn't say if I'm single, if it's complicated...I'm just hoping that I can get through the next few months without someone asking me how my husband is doing.

  4. New Anon:

    Are you sure you and your husband are ready to divorce? The marriage is very new and these things happen. You two are stronger than the pissy advice that outsiders are pitching. I would encourage you to really do some soul searching and prayerfully, you will see that your marriage is worth working out. I guess what I'm saying is try harder.

  5. Anon #2,

    I'm going to second Chandra on this one, new love,new relationships, especially a new marriage in this age is an immense challenge. Not only are you going through the initiation and foundational work of building a new way to live, you're doing it with another person. Our instant connect/social networking world does not make it any easier, especially when those you (or your love) are connected to are not fully behind your union.

    Please, reconsider. Give your commitment time to actualize. Allow your vows time to manifest. Speak with your partner, ask have the two of you done everything possible to honor your promises to each other, and if not, simply go back to the drawing board. Let this be your first lesson of the marriage, a story to pass down to your future children and grandchildren. Practice extreme love. Practice forgiveness. Work together to recover your love.


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