Zenzile has filled you in on what’s been going on these days with us at LJL. We’ve been dealing with the brushes of issues that accommodate the art of loving fiercely. I could go into all of the details but then I really don’t want to bore you with them, no, that’s not true—actually, I don’t want to intimidate or discourage you. Instead, I’ll use my situation to illustrate a larger point.
Remember my post on Love Meditations? At that time, I was standing on the verge of an impasse and hesitated at surrendering as I was completely unwilling to give up on this particular love affair. Vested time was the primary motivator for trying to hang in there. But then, one had to eventually come to one’s senses to surmise that wasting time is just wasting time. The attempts at mulling it over to find a new spin had completely grown stale.
When Zenzile started this blog, I was grooving to a composition filled with desires for passionate encounters with my lover. My writings were sweetened with the delicious morsels of loving a man who held real estate in my heart. Now, it seems as though the tide has shifted, simply because I made a status change.
Love called….he didn’t answer so….
At first, I did not want to own it fully—going from one state of vulnerability to another – initially open to my lover’s strategy until he abandoned it and now I’m wide open to the flawed possibilities and new opportunities that comes with starting over. Let me forewarn you that there may be times when melancholy notes will seep through my writings on this blog. Bear with me. I’ll get over it. I’m in a place where I feel as though I am betraying myself if I continued to desire him. Of course, that won’t go away overnight. It has to fade away a little bit with each passing day.
Zenzile asked me about my new plans as if I’ve had time to develop any. Because I’ve been consumed with what my status change means to me, I haven’t given much thought as to what to do with it. During our conversation, I gave her an overdrawn explanation that culminated in a sophisticated answer of ‘I don’t know’. To be honest, I’m not really sure where to go from here.
Have you ever been in this position? If so, share. You never know who you might be helping.