Grown and Sexy? Redefining being Grown...

Much of today's discussion about adulthood has been centered around the notion of being "grown and sexy". The reality though, if you'll think about the awesome days of childhood, is that there's not much about being grown that's "sexy". Remember back in the day? endless days of play, visits to relatives, schoolyard fun and being relatively carefree? Adulthood, for most of us is just the opposite.

Of course, here at LJL we work to make sure our adulthoods contain those elements that made us happiest as kids; music, art, love, friendship and community. 

Which brings me to my point. Isn't it time we redefined what being "grown" really is. Surely there's more to adulthood than being "sexy".

The grownups I talk to, respect and admire often emphasize the friendships they share with their loved one or significant other as the highlight of their adult relationships, not the sex. The reality is, in a world where being grown came relatively easy to our parents generation, (graduate from school, secure "good" job with benefits, and begin a family) those same markers are often elusive to Generation X and Millennials. The current economic climate has sent many of us right back to our parents' basements, and because of the relaxed climate around marriage and expanding structure/definition of family, the stability and security our parents generation experienced just is not a guarantee.

My thinking around being "grown,"  although my current life closely resembles traditionalism, although through a VERY non-traditional path,  has been altered as I think about the significance of adulthood.

For me, adulthood is less about establishing my own autonomy, and more about being of use to my community. So, while I do work to move forward in my own career, accomplish personal goals and  build and invest in my family, part of my work as an adult is to take advantage of the opportunity it gives me to be of use to more than just myself.

As an educator, my paid work is closely tied to community support. I do way more work than I am paid for, and my hours off the clock never really mean I am off. It doesn't end in the classroom and with more technology comes more access, and more opportunities to teach. My subject matter often means that I not only serve as an academic, but also engage in the work of guiding the personal and emotional maturing of my students.

As a parent, of course I see myself as wholly responsible for the success of my sons, even though they are surrounded by wonderfully supportive extended family, educators, child care workers, neighbors and friends.
But I'm also incredibly concerned about their social circle, and of course the young ladies they attend school with. I'm  concerned about their educational institutions and community activities that are available to all kids.

Lately, I've been engaged in a significant amount of volunteer work and have found a great deal of satisfaction in doing work that supports my community in multiple ways. In this work, I've found the true meaning of being "grown". Its not simply growth, or maturity, but becoming an individual that is useful to the community in a variety of ways.

How do YOU do "grown" LJL family???

"The Lonely Type"

As the massive snowstorm on the East coast has shown us, despite what the calendar says, Winter has arrived; skipping completely over fall, bringing with it all of the complications, irritations, and unfortunate limitations.

Winter, with its shortened days, long dark nights, drops in temperature, and rise in layers of clothing reinforces the harshest aspects of the human condition, our loneliness, and our attempts at escaping said loneliness with various holidays centered around gathering together with our community, family and loved ones.

For those of us attempting to live the LoveJonesLifestyle, loneliness often becomes our second nature. We work, following our own paths, as artists, writers, musicians and filmmakers and playwrights. Our work is something we not only do but often are. We work because ours is a labor of love, not of convenience. Our work is often a fulfillment of lifelong goals and dreams and we get so caught up in it that by the time we look up, we may find that life, in many ways has passed us by.

The LoveJonesLifestyle is one built on and based in community. We work to remain connected to one another, our art and the larger communities, families and friendships that we have managed to knit together over the years. While the stereotype may be of the lone writer hunched over a desk, or a sole artist poised in front of a canvas, we work in cooperation. We connect with one another not only for fellowship, but for survival. Although our work is solitary, we are very social creatures. I encourage you to engage in some serious artistic self-care this season. Give yourself permission to step away from your work, if only briefly. Reconnect to your community. Call up a sister artist and invite her to lunch or tea. And as always, tell us how YOU deal with the lonely times in your LoveJonesLifestyle.

Who are your People?

Community…a word composed of two greater words, common and unity that imply exactly that, a coming together or unification of those who have some traits in common.

Community…I love the way it rolls off the tongue, literally making a hug then a kiss in your mouth. Say it cah (opening arms) mu (closing) ni (retreat inside) tee (ending with a smile)

Community…the word conjures up warmth for me, a safe space, home.

Community is a necessary space. One which, in this society of rugged individualism, is often forgotten, denied, and even erased. The questions our grandmothers never had to ask, “Who are your people?” “Where are you from?” we never think to ask, assuming Google knows all. But Google won’t tell us that his people are fifth generation alcoholics…or that she is from a tribe of women, who have never known a healthy relationship with men. Barring a direct confession, these are truths learned from living, working, loving and playing in relation to others. And that is the definition of community.

I first learned of community spaces and the exchanges which take place in them from artists. They were musicians, producers, rappers who knew one another and one another’s work. They knew the history of the music they loved, other genre’s that borrowed and sampled the music, and could identify a production team by their sound signatures. They read about their favorite artists, voraciously devoured liner notes, and knew all of the hidden gems that were slept on by regular listeners. Finally, they always had time to teach, discuss and share what they loved. They invited me in.

This notion of community has taken flight in our day in its diet form, called “Networking” a cold, hard, metallic word, stemming from its digital, internet era roots.
Of course, this “community lite”, or networking lacks all of the features of regular community in that it requires no knowledge of history, no interconnectedness, or shared concern. It only requires a “legitimate” platform, and a tangible “good or service” that can be exchanged or provided.

But I’m old school…a first generation city dweller with roots deep in the Mississippi mud. I am not ashamed to say, that I need my community. I was raised, as an eldest child by my father, and respect that position, for me, a girl child; it means that I will eventually take on the role of Matriarch. I have been well trained in the art of leadership, and gained experience at an early age in community service. Perhaps this fuels my desire for and need to create community now, in all aspects of my life.

This need, coupled with desire, and the encouragement of my unspoken community has led me to create a community of writers. Writers of Color. Intelligent Writers. Writers who can thoughtfully and legitimately give voice to the experiences of other people of color. Men who can humanely write about women, and women who can lovingly write about men. People unafraid to tell our stories in the true myriad of ways in which they occur. After our first retreat, I have already discovered a group of women who are kindred spirits in the ways of writing. We want, desperately, to tell our stories. Often times in hopes of self discovery, identity and in search of clarity. We are happy to have one another.

As the Kwanzaa holiday ends and the New Year approaches, I urge each of you to seek out your community. Where do you belong? Somewhere, there are healthy, loving folks, just waiting for you to fulfill your role. They are waiting to fill you in on their history, and guide you to seek yours. They are offering more than just exchange, and need more than your “goods and services.” The friendships that are a part of the LoveJonesLifestyle grow beyond simple levels of acquaintanceship and “social networking” sites. Friendships turn to sisterhood and brotherhood which create family which solidifies community. What community will you seek out in the New Year? Do you need to create a community? If so, where? Why? What purpose will your service serve?