Cotton Candy & Fighting with the Nip in the Air

I've been craving cotton candy for the past few days now. In love with the confection ever since I was a young girl, my trips to the State Fair wasn't complete without my annual rides on the Zipper, the Himalaya, the Round Up, and my treat of cotton candy. I thoroughly enjoyed the stickiness of it on my fingers and how it melted on my tongue. It wasn't until I was a teenager hanging out with a serious crush that I realized cotton candy had another effect and other uses as well. Ha! Anyway, here I am, seriously in need of a big bag of cotton candy so I can chase away the blues brought on by the onset of Fall and the ensuing Winter days ahead. For the record, I don't like Fall/Winter, mostly because I don't like cold weather and all of the clothes I have to wear to stay warm.

At the time of this writing, my central heat has been on since last night-- I believe the temp was about 50 something degrees....and it's only October. So, you can imagine how I am during the dead of Winter. My temp setting hovers around 80 degrees because I like it toasty. While I will stop short of saying that I deal with the clinical version of seasonal depression, I will say that I struggle a bit with being my lively self when it comes nippy days and nights. It's just something a bit sad about watching the leaves fall from the trees and that constant nip in the air that whisks around my face. It's a good thing that I have football season.

The Fall/Winter is also the unofficial start of Boo Season, humorously dubbed so because it seems as though single people make an extra special effort to land a Boo so they can keep their toes warm during the short days and long nights. The thought behind Boo Season is that the current Boo is supposed to take one through the holidays, including Valentine's Day but as soon as the days begin warming up again, one can ceremoniously cut their Boo loose so that they can frolic and enjoy the bees of Summer (read: have happy little Summer flings). While I use the term from time to time, I really don't care much for its connotation. But then, I don't care much for anything that trivializes the beautiful process of blossoming love affairs and relationships.

Here, at the LJL, we're continuing to experience the dynamics of our love lives, while searching deep within to uncover some honest truths about who we are and what we really want. I will have more time than Zenzile, perhaps, because I'm deeply engaged in the business of shutting down social activities so I can focus on writing and planning for 2012. My Summer left something to be desired and, if anything, it proved to me that I gotta work harder to produce and grow. My theory is that my love life will blossom even more once I'm free from the confines of the corporate slum. So, that's my agenda for the coming months--get free and focused before it warms up again. As a single gal, my voluntary existence of being a Shut In/Recluse for the Fall/Winter doesn't sound exciting and you would think I would do my part to find social outlets to meet a potential Boo for the chilly nights.

But, that's not my challenge. I'm not exactly worried about meeting someone as I'm in deep thought about how to approach and manage a potential situation that can become quite complicated. You know how it is -- it starts off being clear cut and easy to read, then some words are said -- and the next thing you know, it's that gray matter that leaves you guessing, wondering, and trying to figure out what move you need to make. At the same time, I'm also at conflict with my usual 'cover every angle' approach, desiring to just caste all weight aside and dive right in. You see, I don't know what delicious excitement awaits me if I just dismantle my guard and let 'somebody walk up behind me and kiss me on my neck' -- Erykah Badu style, ya dig? Maybe I can get it on this Winter and put it down just like Noel Gourdin's 'Summertime'. Might be the best way to fight the nip in the air, ya know?

So, what's your plans for the upcoming Chilly Season?

The Sista By His Side....

This photo still is taken from the 1974 motion picture, Black Belt Jones, starring Jim Kelly & Gloria Hendry. If you've ever seen the movie, then you would know that Gloria portrayed martial arts expert, Sydney, whose father was killed by the mob so her and Black Belt Jones set out to exact revenge. That's a typical set up for a Blaxploitation-era film. Nevertheless, in studying this photo some thirty something years later, the most striking aspect about it is the power stance of both Jones and Hendry. As you can see, neither one of them are cowering in fear as they willingly take on enemies stronger than the two of them. In the context of Black relationships, this photo speaks volumes. For one, Hendry's positioning beside Jones allows us to reason that she is far from being a damsel in distress. She doesn't need her bills paid, her children cared for, nor does she need to be wined and dined. In other words, she doesn't need saving as she has the ability to hold her own. Most importantly, she is standing side by side with her man, ready to fight with him.

The latter is the reason why I think so many men dig this picture. Countless rap and R&B songs have been made by male artists referring to the kind of woman that they want in their lives. She is almost always confident, independent, and more than anything, supportive.




In intimate conversations with male friends, they often lament about Black women and their lack of support. Any Black man worth his salt is fully aware of the odds against him and while he is more than eager to suit up in his armor and prove as many people wrong about his Black man-ness as he can, the war would be a lot easier if he had a woman by his side, ready to engage in battle with him. In that sense, many brothas feel like they have been let down. Oftentimes, they meet women who exhuberantly dole out their demands in a relationship without leaving much room for men to have their say. Most men know what's expected of them and tend to move directly into that role, but many of us, on the other hand, assume that we know what our men want.

Yes, cooking, cleaning, and giving him great sex is most appreciative, but....do you support the man's dreams and goals? Are you willing to go the distance with him as he embarks upon a destiny that will be difficult alone? Over here at the Lifestyle, it is our belief that even if a woman can't boil water, if her man knew that she was down for him like four flat tires and will ride with him no matter the season or the reason, he will happily eat take-out every night for the rest of his life....or else, he won't have any problem with doing most of the cooking.

So, why is this kind of support so important to a man? We'd love to hear some feedback from the brothas.