Letter to My Former Lovers...part deux

Letter to My Former Lovers…


When Chandra Kamaria suggested we share our experiences of love as a part of the “Sophisticated Ladies” Series, I immediately said yes. I literally jumped at the suggestion, and began making some notes in my head.

There was no acrimony or bitterness, but an eagerness instead. Although there is a particular lover I’d love to “tell off,” when I look at the situation with my highest self, that of a fully developed, wholly empowered, well educated, family centered, Goddess infused matriarch in training, I understand fully, that that one particular lover was in pain, severely damaged, and acting out in the best result driven ways contained in his personal arsenal.

Therefore, I’m able to say to him, despite his bad behavior, I understand. Because as I understand the source of his pain, I hope on some subliminal level that he also understood my passion. My drive to be coupled, to know him, and to join him on a journey of healing, something so valuable, was not something that could be forced. So, in knowing him, I also came face to face with my own impatience, stubbornness, and aggressive nature. All virtues in my professional struggles, but incredibly out of place in the loved filled space of a relationship. To this lover, I say thank you for being brave enough to stand on your no, when I was screaming yes. Your turning away, helped the true direction I needed to face. I am forever grateful for pointing out to me that my community holds all that I need.

To the lover that worked to be my everything despite my resistance, know that your work was not done in vain…we met at the best and worst of times. When I needed a friend, which you were, but not a lover, which you became. Your presences and absences were always felt intensely. I missed your childlike rambunctiousness when you traveled, yet it was this same personality that disrupted my naturally introverted peace seeking nature when you were present. I thank you for being man enough to share with me what I taught you, and for allowing me to grow up enough to tell you what I learned from you. I am so grateful that we were able to go our separate ways, yet maintain what is still one of the strongest and most valuable friendships in my life.

To the lover that should have been a summer romance, a fun and light affair, but unfortunately turned into a long drawn out and quite ugly and destructive union. I can only say that I am sorry. I hate that I didn’t trust myself enough to make the best decisions for the both of us. I’m disappointed that it was with you that I saw the ugliest parts of myself. The dissolution of our union forced me into a serious deep depression.  A stripping down of myself and the questioning of everything I “thought” I knew. The scars were deep, and no doubt others had to pay for my experiences with you. The only regret I harbor is that our children, to this day, suffer the consequences of our past irresponsibility, vindictiveness and lack of communication. I've made my peace with the past, but it is tempered with the knowledge that some things can not be undone, and certain consequences are permanent.

Finally…to the one who started it all. My high school sweetheart. My friend. You were there for me, supported me and loved me through all of my growing pains. When I needed a friend, you listened. When there were adventures to be had, you were at my side. You treated me like a lady, and acted like a gentleman. We exchanged our first kisses, and many other firsts, good and bad. I remember feeling grief over your deepest pains, and only disappointment at your lowest points, no matter how they affected me, I could never get angry with you. I am thankful for the shelter of our relationship throughout our child and young adult-hoods and thank you for releasing me when it was no longer safe to hold on.

Now that we are adults,  I am most thankful for your survival, your living and thriving. I am most impressed with the man you have become; holding on to your sanity, living your life as an artist and seeing opportunity at every turn. I have learned, after twenty years that you are still my friend. You are still the one who I would go anywhere with, my favorite companion for adventures. You are the shoulder on which I can always rest. You are my life partner, the one that I am eternally grateful to wake to and hear “Good Morning, my friend”

An Open Letter to My Ex-Lovers

Note: In the power of being a grown woman, a sophisticated lady as my sister Zenzile dubs it, I believe it necessary to make universal statements. These revelations spoken, or in this case written, out loud are for the express purpose of cleaning out my emotional closet so that I can welcome feelings for a new lover. I strongly encourage all of our readers to embrace your unexpressed feelings & to write an open letter to your ex-lovers so you can be wide open to experience the joy & beauty of loving again -- loving again without reservations, hesitations, or pent up frustrations. Here's my open letter as an example for you to follow. ---

May 2, 2012
10:19pm

Dear Ex-Lovers:

This is not a letter to bash or to speak ill will into your lives. I do not have a desire to avenge any hurt nor do I harbor anger for any of you beautiful brothas. Instead, this is a letter thanking you for your presence in my life. Without knowing you & loving you, I wouldn't know me or understand how I love. I realize that each one of you taught me something about who I am & for that, I will be forever grateful. Even though I hated it at the time, I appreciate those occasions when you called me out on my mess. I was wrong a lot and two of you didn't hesitate to tell me, even though you knew you'd be met with a few choice words for doing so.

Over the years, I came to realize that it wasn't about me being too small to own up to my mistakes. No, it was something much deeper than that.  I didn't want to be wrong in your eyes.  I wanted you to see me as close to perfect as possible. Silly, I know. But that is my truth. You knew me better than I was willing to admit at the time.  I didn't want to be that transparent.  I felt you would have taken advantage of that so, deliberately, I tried to be evasive but neither one of you fell for that, thank God.

One of you used to make me cry but you didn't know it. My pride wouldn't allow me to display such 'weakness' before you.  That's why I preferred to keep a straight face & let my big mouth & cuss words do it all for me.  It was a smoke screen.  You were so fine to me and all I wanted to do was keep you, but somehow, when I tried to express that, the words would get stalled in my throat. That's why you couldn't grasp what I was saying. I wasn't telling you the whole truth. You went on with your life, doing what you wanted to do & I held a grudge against you for it. For some reason, I actually thought that you could read my mind & know that I wanted us to be together. Some years later, I was able to confess a lot to you and how I felt things went down between us. You confessed your wrongdoings & that was enough for me, but you took it a step further and healed me with your apology. Thank you.

Yes, I remember you all well.  From high school, you, my first love, wouldn't let me get off the phone in the late hours of the night until I told you that I loved you.  It still puzzles me to this day why your life went in the direction that it did.  When I was in undergrad, receiving your letters from prison, I couldn't respond because telling you how disappointed I was with you wasn't going to help your situation at all. However, I am thankful to God that your life is so much better now. You have a wife and a beautiful crop of children. You're doing well and that's a true blessing. To the scrawny cutie that would sneak out of his mama's house to come over just because I told him to, we are all grown up now & life is different for the both of us. I hope our recent argument won't sour our 20+ year friendship for good.

To the preacher's kid, your letters brought big smiles to my face and made me feel so special knowing that a Navy man was somewhere with his mind on me.  On Valentine's Day 1991, I cried on the way home from school because everyone was getting their gifts & you were in Afghanistan as part of Operation Desert Storm. But my heart leaped for joy when I opened that package left on my doorstep; a dozen red roses along with a card and a letter sent me into orbit. Please forgive me for breaking up with you once I got to college. It was for the best because I knew I wasn't going to be faithful.

To the one who laid beside me as I received a late night phone call with bad news about a family member, I thank you for consoling me that night. On another note, you have the goofiest laugh but I enjoyed hearing it, especially when I was acting silly! Even though we couldn't ever get our thing together, I still had a great time hanging out with you shooting pool & cooking for you.

There were so many good times; lots of laughter, intimate moments, painful moments, and frustration with all of you.  I cherish each of those moments, not because I desire to rekindle our affairs, but because they were all stepping stones to me becoming a mature woman, capable of loving without any fear and knowing how to deal with the issues that arise when a man & a woman are in love. Even though I had you for a certain time in my life, I thank you for preparing me for him -- the one I'm ready to love as soon as time & space allows. I pray sincerely that God blesses each of you abundantly & that you are blessed with much love because each of you deserve it.

Love Always,
Chandra

"It" Girl or Sophisticated Lady...pondering modern maturity

‘It’ Girl or Sophisticated Lady?

      Hello Lovelies!!! We hope your love life has been as active, interesting or as full of misadventure as ours…as we always say, the LoveJonesLifestyle is not for the faint of heart!

      Chandra Kamaria and I consider ourselves trendsetters…we often read about things we’ve talked about on LJL or in our personal lives months or in one case, years later, and because we know the power and importance of setting trends, especially when it comes to the image, lives and voice of Big Girls in the City, we regularly ponder and recommit to maintaining our space and voice in cyberspace. We explore the net relentlessly; reading news, online magazines, checkin’ out new tweeters and even examining the latest technology and social trends. Lately we’ve been discussing one of our favorite social networking sites, Twitter.

     While our lives have been enriched by the community space, connection to fellow artists and art connoisseurs and basic awareness and information exchange that Twitter offers, we’ve also become incredibly concerned about the representation we’ve seen of our sisters in tweeting. Obviously twitter is a social networking space, but it is also a space that provides real community if we allow it. And this, the social space of community, is what fuels our concern. Chandra brought it to my attention that there are literally hundreds (if not thousands) of young black women (or who represent themselves as such) who have embraced the “‘it’ girl” persona. You’ve seen the Facebook meme about “things _____ girls do on Facebook” no doubt, and if you’re in a certain demographic, you’ve also seen the hoards of young girls who describe themselves as “models” or “model-type” but are shown posing in their bathroom mirrors, not on a runway. I’ve got to give it to the sisters for their creativity; I often see really cute outfits, makeup and hairstyles. But, come on, who are we kidding? These young ladies are not models and often have no plans, careers or any other aspect of their real lives that would put them on track to model…anything!

      So we ask, what propels these women to represent themselves as such? Is the obsession with the Hollywood manufactured and determined “it” girl so pervasive that regular women around the way have forgotten the allure of the around the way girl!? Have they neglected natural Black beauty in exchange for a fantasy of fame (or infamy), facades and well, fakeness?

       Now, far be it from us to pass judgment on any other sister and how she chooses to represent herself, but we, as intellectual and artistic women have to pose the question, WHY is the “it” girl the representation that so many young sisters are choosing? What is the attraction to expressing oneself with an attitude that causes you to answer the Location question with the response “everywhere you’re not”? I mean, come on, we all know the “I’m just doing me, love me or hate me” blurb is a childish way to say “I don’t have to behave because ‘I’m grown’ and I don’t want to be called out on my bad behavior”, right?

      As women who desire the experience of love (and we ALL need to be loved) and support others in getting the healthy love they need and want, Chandra Kamaria and I have an obligation to not only promote getting said love, but also highlighting ways we block love from our lives, so that we can remove those blocks and get to the good part!
   
    So it is in the spirit of love that WE offer the beautiful songs, artistic expressions and models of womanhood that helped us get to be the sophisticated ladies we are today…because an it girl is just that, an ‘it’…dehumanized, an object of admiration until the public tires of her…a ‘girl’, a not yet fully actualized woman…and none of our sisters deserves to be dehumanized and disposed of, we all need space to grow, to self actualize, and receive the love we all want need and deserve.
     
      Stay tuned for the "Sophisticated Lady Series...music, photos and maybe even some special treats...and in the meantime tell us what you are doing to get to a healthy love. What models of womanhood showed you how to mature and value YOU? How are you living your LoveJonesLifestyle???

The Truth about LJL

The truth...it's something Chandra Kamaria and I have been grappling with in our love lives, as well as artistic endeavors. What we know, is that there are multiple truths, never just one, and life, at it's fullest consists of navigating those truths, honoring our true selves and walking our divinely appointed paths.

While we've both contributed to LJL, often our lives and lifestyles are not conducive to our consistent contribution. We are artists, we love art, we love creation and we love love. We entered 2012 with a huge jolt back into reality, defined by pushing our dreams forward and seeing the deepest desires of our hearts come into fruition. Harkin's House Productions completed it's official launch into 2012 with a weekend long open house and film showcase. Red Heart Films and Zenzile's Way began filming it's first documentary film Curvaceous. Amid our professional success, we've also begun to explore the options for love.

We've entered into several discussions of what love means and looks like IN the midst of a Love Jones Lifestyle. Our current contemplation is open relationships and polyamory. As artists and creators, our work is on a constant tightrope, as we attempt to balance our creative selves, the demands of family, day jobs and our very real needs as youthful, attractive, socially active women. While we work to sustain ourselves, our need to create and our desire to love and be loved, we've considered the reality of what fits in our lives, and how. We've engaged in a continually evolving discussion of what love looks like, our specific needs, and what we can actually contribute. A discussion of polyamory presents the options that could very well fit our lives and lifestyles. It's not something we'd embark on on a whim, and definitely not a lifestyle for the faint of heart, but nothing about the Love Jones Lifestyle is.

So far, we've only concluded that there is more work to do. While we've agreed to follow what life has presented us with, to be honest with ourselves, and to remain devoted to our art, we can only deal with the truths of our lives. Truth 1. we want love Truth 2. we will remain open. We will keep you posted on our progress, our learnings, our discussions and our challenges...who knows, maybe there's a podcast in our future!

In the meantime, tell us how YOU live YOUR Love Jones Lifestyle. How do you balance love and life in the creative class?

A Full Moon at Twelve: Thirty-Seven AM

Late night ramblings are sticky and really shouldn't be attempted when sorting through life, especially at this part of the year. See, I find myself with more downtime than I care to have, simply because the year is officially over. For the most part, all plans are covering 2012 and these remaining days are spent in neutral mode; that leaves way too much time to just ponder and stumble on half-baked resolutions. It's also the holiday season which further complicates my ability to manage my moods throughout the winter season. Besides the overt commercialism and fleeting moments of goodwill, it's just too damn cold to do anything other than sit under a blanket stock still and pray the pilot light doesn't go out on the central heating. It wouldn't hurt to continue praying that I have money to pay these ridiculous utility bills, either.

Late night ramblings leaves a person wide open, so consider me vulnerable right now. At the time of this writing, I'm very candid and subject to present some information that leaves me completely exposed. But that's the risk I'm willing to take, hell, I'm an artist so bearing my soul kinda comes with the territory. I've been spending the majority of the day and night going over the year and its happenings. Many of the things that I had planned for my company didn't go along as it should, so I found myself shutting down in October to plan again, waiting to strike out fresh for 2012. For a little while, I was pretty miffed about that until one of my sweet male friends gave me a new spin on it. Once I unloaded my frustrations to him one night at Starbuck's, he merely shrugged his shoulders and said, 'That just sounds like growing pains to me. Typical stuff that comes with running a company. Just pull yourself together and keep going.' That reassurance made all of the difference. I did what he said.

As for my 'love life', that little situation with that certain Mister has officially come to a close for good, as far as I'm concerned. Five years. On again. Off again. Promises made. Promises broken. Patience. Understanding. Communication. Poor follow through. Minimal effort. All of that. For five years, y'all....and it's just over. Done. And I am just fine about it.

"It's like BOOM, Son. Grown woman, making decisions and choices....."



So, here I am, somewhere I really didn't expect to be -- searching again. Truth be told, I wanted to be done with the search. I just wanted to have this part of my life sealed up so I can completely focus on working in purpose. But no, here I am, damming up this Reservoir of Good Loving and activating my Infrared Bullshit Detector. But you know what, I find myself jaded -- almost exhausted with the whole dating thing now. I don't want to play by the rules anymore, instead, I want to make it up as I go along. Blame it on my ever-growing maturity and my near-precision dream chasing. Blame it on my need to simplify the hell outta this shit so I can stop being so perplexed about the Why, the How Come, the When, and What If. I had a refreshing glass of Fuck It! Juice recently and I just can't see me getting real deep about this thing anytime soon. That energy can be better spent somewhere else, ya dig?

I'm finding myself just unwilling to go through any motions and I'm getting a bit selfish. I think, at this point, I'm gonna make this all about me for a little while. Don't worry. I will take extra careful measures to protect them from me, so I won't be blamed for tainting any brothas -- I couldn't have that on my conscience. I'll be completely honest and free so they can walk into the set up with their eyes wide shut.

Now, what do I mean by all of this? Well, I'm in the process of making a major transition in my life and while I would have preferred to already have my man attached to me while I make these moves, that's not the case -- and I have to be willing to admit that it may not be the case for some time now. Such is the quandary of this lifestyle. It seems as though the simplest of things become the most difficult to attain so you have to be willing to dismantle and reprogram, shut down and reboot. You get the idea. So, yeah, am I the only one sitting up late at night, pondering and surmising how to move forward after the so-called Sure Thing stopped being so sure? Don't let me and Zenzile hanging, share with us. Let's get through this mess together.

It's 1:26am. Damn, I need a cuddle buddy.

Cotton Candy & Fighting with the Nip in the Air

I've been craving cotton candy for the past few days now. In love with the confection ever since I was a young girl, my trips to the State Fair wasn't complete without my annual rides on the Zipper, the Himalaya, the Round Up, and my treat of cotton candy. I thoroughly enjoyed the stickiness of it on my fingers and how it melted on my tongue. It wasn't until I was a teenager hanging out with a serious crush that I realized cotton candy had another effect and other uses as well. Ha! Anyway, here I am, seriously in need of a big bag of cotton candy so I can chase away the blues brought on by the onset of Fall and the ensuing Winter days ahead. For the record, I don't like Fall/Winter, mostly because I don't like cold weather and all of the clothes I have to wear to stay warm.

At the time of this writing, my central heat has been on since last night-- I believe the temp was about 50 something degrees....and it's only October. So, you can imagine how I am during the dead of Winter. My temp setting hovers around 80 degrees because I like it toasty. While I will stop short of saying that I deal with the clinical version of seasonal depression, I will say that I struggle a bit with being my lively self when it comes nippy days and nights. It's just something a bit sad about watching the leaves fall from the trees and that constant nip in the air that whisks around my face. It's a good thing that I have football season.

The Fall/Winter is also the unofficial start of Boo Season, humorously dubbed so because it seems as though single people make an extra special effort to land a Boo so they can keep their toes warm during the short days and long nights. The thought behind Boo Season is that the current Boo is supposed to take one through the holidays, including Valentine's Day but as soon as the days begin warming up again, one can ceremoniously cut their Boo loose so that they can frolic and enjoy the bees of Summer (read: have happy little Summer flings). While I use the term from time to time, I really don't care much for its connotation. But then, I don't care much for anything that trivializes the beautiful process of blossoming love affairs and relationships.

Here, at the LJL, we're continuing to experience the dynamics of our love lives, while searching deep within to uncover some honest truths about who we are and what we really want. I will have more time than Zenzile, perhaps, because I'm deeply engaged in the business of shutting down social activities so I can focus on writing and planning for 2012. My Summer left something to be desired and, if anything, it proved to me that I gotta work harder to produce and grow. My theory is that my love life will blossom even more once I'm free from the confines of the corporate slum. So, that's my agenda for the coming months--get free and focused before it warms up again. As a single gal, my voluntary existence of being a Shut In/Recluse for the Fall/Winter doesn't sound exciting and you would think I would do my part to find social outlets to meet a potential Boo for the chilly nights.

But, that's not my challenge. I'm not exactly worried about meeting someone as I'm in deep thought about how to approach and manage a potential situation that can become quite complicated. You know how it is -- it starts off being clear cut and easy to read, then some words are said -- and the next thing you know, it's that gray matter that leaves you guessing, wondering, and trying to figure out what move you need to make. At the same time, I'm also at conflict with my usual 'cover every angle' approach, desiring to just caste all weight aside and dive right in. You see, I don't know what delicious excitement awaits me if I just dismantle my guard and let 'somebody walk up behind me and kiss me on my neck' -- Erykah Badu style, ya dig? Maybe I can get it on this Winter and put it down just like Noel Gourdin's 'Summertime'. Might be the best way to fight the nip in the air, ya know?

So, what's your plans for the upcoming Chilly Season?

The Sista By His Side....

This photo still is taken from the 1974 motion picture, Black Belt Jones, starring Jim Kelly & Gloria Hendry. If you've ever seen the movie, then you would know that Gloria portrayed martial arts expert, Sydney, whose father was killed by the mob so her and Black Belt Jones set out to exact revenge. That's a typical set up for a Blaxploitation-era film. Nevertheless, in studying this photo some thirty something years later, the most striking aspect about it is the power stance of both Jones and Hendry. As you can see, neither one of them are cowering in fear as they willingly take on enemies stronger than the two of them. In the context of Black relationships, this photo speaks volumes. For one, Hendry's positioning beside Jones allows us to reason that she is far from being a damsel in distress. She doesn't need her bills paid, her children cared for, nor does she need to be wined and dined. In other words, she doesn't need saving as she has the ability to hold her own. Most importantly, she is standing side by side with her man, ready to fight with him.

The latter is the reason why I think so many men dig this picture. Countless rap and R&B songs have been made by male artists referring to the kind of woman that they want in their lives. She is almost always confident, independent, and more than anything, supportive.




In intimate conversations with male friends, they often lament about Black women and their lack of support. Any Black man worth his salt is fully aware of the odds against him and while he is more than eager to suit up in his armor and prove as many people wrong about his Black man-ness as he can, the war would be a lot easier if he had a woman by his side, ready to engage in battle with him. In that sense, many brothas feel like they have been let down. Oftentimes, they meet women who exhuberantly dole out their demands in a relationship without leaving much room for men to have their say. Most men know what's expected of them and tend to move directly into that role, but many of us, on the other hand, assume that we know what our men want.

Yes, cooking, cleaning, and giving him great sex is most appreciative, but....do you support the man's dreams and goals? Are you willing to go the distance with him as he embarks upon a destiny that will be difficult alone? Over here at the Lifestyle, it is our belief that even if a woman can't boil water, if her man knew that she was down for him like four flat tires and will ride with him no matter the season or the reason, he will happily eat take-out every night for the rest of his life....or else, he won't have any problem with doing most of the cooking.

So, why is this kind of support so important to a man? We'd love to hear some feedback from the brothas.

"I'm Open": The Beauty of Emotional Vulnerability

Whether we admit it or not, all of us have veils to cover our faces and fortresses around our hearts. Anything that will reveal the depth of our emotions is generally shielded from the piercing eyes of judgmental people, the predatory methods of leeches, and from those people that are looking to us for their guidance and support (we call it a show of strength). With the increasing onset of technology and how it has radically changed the way we communicate, we can easily express our thoughts without unearthing our emotional states. I have heard about breakups that happened via text message and Facebook. On the flip side, sexting has taken the place of raw and intimate conversations, which somehow renders the exchange as fruitless and unsexy. To me, it really can't get any more impersonal as that. Slowly, we're morphing into robots....and, unfortunately, many of us are okay with that.

Can you remember the last time you cried? If you do, will you admit it? Well, I can. It was this past weekend. I cried because I was broke...and I cannot stand being broke, especially when I think I shouldn't be financially strapped. Now, it wasn't one of those cries infused with hysterical sobbing (although I've been capable of a few of those), but rather one of those misty-eyed, six teardrop joints that would have readily indicated to anyone present that I wasn't happy. See, I cried alone -- and I didn't have to tell you that. But I did. It ain't no thang to me. I live in a constant space of Open because being emotionally vulnerable, from time to time, is a survival tactic for me. Through a free release of emotions, I'm able to keep my perspective about things, believe it or not.

It doesn't stop there with crying. My range of emotions can be covered through other forms of expression -- including profanity or cussing, which is, honestly, a personal favorite of mine. :-) Over the years, I tried to appease the traditional posturing when it comes to women and cussing.

"It's unlady-like to cuss."
"Christians shouldn't cuss."

Bullshit. Sometimes, a well placed 'shit' or 'fuck' can relieve the soul of unnecessary tension, leading to correctness in cognitive thinking because your emotions are not all dammed up and affecting that ability anymore. Ok, before I go any further, please understand that I am not talking about some kind of erratic emotional behavior. Besides, that kind of behavior is the result of someone who has tried to do too much 'cool-posing' and worked too hard to control their emotions. Then, they just break down. That's unhealthy. Emotional releases lead to balance, at least, I tend to think so.

Look, Life can do some underhanded things to us. It can unravel the best laid plans, unsuspectingly crush dreams, and mock desires in such a way that we will erroneously believe that things will never get better, or worse, we start thinking that we don't serve any purpose in the world. Our emotions is the gateway to clarity, which is essentially freedom. By actually 'feeling' for just a little while, we can cope better and come to terms with the fact that we may need a better game plan or clean house and confront some things in the Relationship Department.

Emotional releases can also uncover some insecurities we've hidden behind our accomplishments, reveal character flaws or overindulgence in bad habits. Whatever the case, to merely brush the effect off with a wave of nonchalance or faking strength can be dangerous sometimes. Our strength is not in walling up our emotions and putting on a tough face, but rather, it's in the acknowledgement of our hurt, anger, sadness, loneliness, fear, etc. Then, if we have to cry it out or cuss it out, so be it. Once we've dried our noses and the anger has subsided, there is an openness. At first, it may feel odd but embrace it because now you're ready to handle the matter at hand, perhaps in a way of brilliance that you would have never suspected.

Now, what does this have to do with the Love Jones Lifestyle? EVERYTHING. On this journey, we have to bear in mind that it's the Road Less Traveled and while there's fewer people, it's a bumpier road fraught with obstacles, disappointments, unexpected happenings, and broken expectations. You cannot afford to live according to Purpose and think that everything will align itself accordingly. On the contrary, the Status Quo lifestyle promises to be much smoother and easier to navigate because there's a blueprint. With the Love Jones Lifestyle, it's a lot like that compass that Captain Jack Sparrow had in the Pirates movies. Remember? The compass pointed in the direction of what his heart wanted the most -- and then he set sail. A map either didn't exist or it was created with some cryptic code that had to be deciphered. Regardless, there isn't an easy way and no shortcuts. Given those circumstances, it will behoove you to capture those specific times in your life when releasing your emotions are critical. It helps, also, to sob it out with a trusted ally. If there isn't an ally available, cry out to God in the middle of your living room. Go ahead! I do it all the time.

All I'm saying is, in the midst of your beautiful struggle, just remember that you are beautifully human.

Amen?

Love Meditations

"They say I'm crazy the way you got me open, baby!
They say I'm bugging the way I'm top sweating your loving.
They all sit and wonder why this feeling I cannot hide.
It ain't a question of pride.
IT'S LOVE." -- Jill Scott

So, in living this Love Jones Lifestyle, one has to be willing to accept the fact that love will remain elusive and in dire need of rumination at every given moment. Love is like a prism, it changes color depending on the amount of light that penetrates it. Each color has its own interpretations and causes a separate course of action for resolution of an issue. So, the more illuminated you are in your meditations, the easier it will be to untangle the complexities of love when they are presented. It's troubling when someone accepts a generic standard of love that does not bear fruit for their affair, simply because they did not take the time to soul search it for themselves.

That's why it's critically important to determine what love means to you; embrace it, demonstrate it, and send it out so that the angels can tend to it when you're too dazed to recall your constitution because you're busy with playing the role of the martyr or the fool. This is a tried method of ensuring your sanity throughout the experience of loving your Loved One. So, while you are doing everything you can do to keep the affair going, you won't have to worry about losing or undermining what you know.

I know about this first hand.

Over the past weekend, I've been reviewing the decrees of love that I have issued to the universe and replaying a conversation over and over again to check for inconsistencies. I understood what was said--but my mind and heart are not in agreement, thus, both are still deliberating. Because I base love on the Scriptural Chapter 13 (I Corinthians 13:4-8), I'm standing here hoping all things, and believing all things -- ensuring also not to seek my own. At best, this is my course of action and certainly a challenge for me. A woman of my caliber wants to have it my way and I have a strategy to accomplish just that. But no, patience has to have its perfect work -- and that's good and understandable, but what am I supposed to do in the meantime? Don't answer that. I got it. In a word, I live. I have more than enough to keep me fulfilled while I await love's jury to present more evidence that I'm either guilty of holding on too long or not guilty of wanting to move on. While I wait, I draw one step closer to clarity because love is still teaching me.

So, let me encourage those of you out there who are still bold and brave enough to love, spend more time understanding its inner workings for you and the sake of your Loved One. Decide how love should frame your life and pursue that goal. As you love and tend to your affairs (whether simple or complicated), tap your fortitude to confront those potential cracks in the defense of love and seal them with righteousness. Never forget this constant truth: love does not acknowledge cowardice so be willing to fight. Be sure to stand on its side because it will always wear the crown of Champion. Love never fails.

Before I wrap this up, let me also do some beckoning. As the vibrations of this song and its lyrics fill the air, I command the angels to carry them to the heart of my Loved One so he will understand that when love calls, he'd better answer....because love may not ever come again, at least, not from me. So, as love prepares the verdict, I stand ready to act.

Peace to the Righteous.