An Open Letter to My Ex-Lovers

Note: In the power of being a grown woman, a sophisticated lady as my sister Zenzile dubs it, I believe it necessary to make universal statements. These revelations spoken, or in this case written, out loud are for the express purpose of cleaning out my emotional closet so that I can welcome feelings for a new lover. I strongly encourage all of our readers to embrace your unexpressed feelings & to write an open letter to your ex-lovers so you can be wide open to experience the joy & beauty of loving again -- loving again without reservations, hesitations, or pent up frustrations. Here's my open letter as an example for you to follow. ---

May 2, 2012
10:19pm

Dear Ex-Lovers:

This is not a letter to bash or to speak ill will into your lives. I do not have a desire to avenge any hurt nor do I harbor anger for any of you beautiful brothas. Instead, this is a letter thanking you for your presence in my life. Without knowing you & loving you, I wouldn't know me or understand how I love. I realize that each one of you taught me something about who I am & for that, I will be forever grateful. Even though I hated it at the time, I appreciate those occasions when you called me out on my mess. I was wrong a lot and two of you didn't hesitate to tell me, even though you knew you'd be met with a few choice words for doing so.

Over the years, I came to realize that it wasn't about me being too small to own up to my mistakes. No, it was something much deeper than that.  I didn't want to be wrong in your eyes.  I wanted you to see me as close to perfect as possible. Silly, I know. But that is my truth. You knew me better than I was willing to admit at the time.  I didn't want to be that transparent.  I felt you would have taken advantage of that so, deliberately, I tried to be evasive but neither one of you fell for that, thank God.

One of you used to make me cry but you didn't know it. My pride wouldn't allow me to display such 'weakness' before you.  That's why I preferred to keep a straight face & let my big mouth & cuss words do it all for me.  It was a smoke screen.  You were so fine to me and all I wanted to do was keep you, but somehow, when I tried to express that, the words would get stalled in my throat. That's why you couldn't grasp what I was saying. I wasn't telling you the whole truth. You went on with your life, doing what you wanted to do & I held a grudge against you for it. For some reason, I actually thought that you could read my mind & know that I wanted us to be together. Some years later, I was able to confess a lot to you and how I felt things went down between us. You confessed your wrongdoings & that was enough for me, but you took it a step further and healed me with your apology. Thank you.

Yes, I remember you all well.  From high school, you, my first love, wouldn't let me get off the phone in the late hours of the night until I told you that I loved you.  It still puzzles me to this day why your life went in the direction that it did.  When I was in undergrad, receiving your letters from prison, I couldn't respond because telling you how disappointed I was with you wasn't going to help your situation at all. However, I am thankful to God that your life is so much better now. You have a wife and a beautiful crop of children. You're doing well and that's a true blessing. To the scrawny cutie that would sneak out of his mama's house to come over just because I told him to, we are all grown up now & life is different for the both of us. I hope our recent argument won't sour our 20+ year friendship for good.

To the preacher's kid, your letters brought big smiles to my face and made me feel so special knowing that a Navy man was somewhere with his mind on me.  On Valentine's Day 1991, I cried on the way home from school because everyone was getting their gifts & you were in Afghanistan as part of Operation Desert Storm. But my heart leaped for joy when I opened that package left on my doorstep; a dozen red roses along with a card and a letter sent me into orbit. Please forgive me for breaking up with you once I got to college. It was for the best because I knew I wasn't going to be faithful.

To the one who laid beside me as I received a late night phone call with bad news about a family member, I thank you for consoling me that night. On another note, you have the goofiest laugh but I enjoyed hearing it, especially when I was acting silly! Even though we couldn't ever get our thing together, I still had a great time hanging out with you shooting pool & cooking for you.

There were so many good times; lots of laughter, intimate moments, painful moments, and frustration with all of you.  I cherish each of those moments, not because I desire to rekindle our affairs, but because they were all stepping stones to me becoming a mature woman, capable of loving without any fear and knowing how to deal with the issues that arise when a man & a woman are in love. Even though I had you for a certain time in my life, I thank you for preparing me for him -- the one I'm ready to love as soon as time & space allows. I pray sincerely that God blesses each of you abundantly & that you are blessed with much love because each of you deserve it.

Love Always,
Chandra

Age of Aquarius

It's February...the dawning of the Age of Aquarius!!!

It's February, and well, for many, its the month of love, affection, warmth, or as as the song so eloquently says, the era when "peace will guide the planets and love will steer the sun"



My memory of February, the Aquarians, and love will always be symbolized in a pair of cups my parents kept alternately on their nightstands or on our fireplace mantle, depicting their Zodiac signs. My father's cup was the Aquarius and my mother's the Sagittarius. Although my parents probably never noticed, or knew, I'd read those cups religiously, memorizing the characteristics of both signs, the constellations that they were comprised of, and the dates they were marked by. As a child, I assumed both their compatibility and unity was assured by the presence of their Zodiac coffee mugs.

In the larger context, this is the month in which we celebrate the martyr of the Christian Saint Valentine, who wrote a love letter before his execution on the 14th of February,signing it 'Your Valentine' and setting in motion a tradition that we've continued into modernity.

However, even the Lovely, Loving Ladies of LoveJonesLifestyle have not been spared the "hate"...yes, even love has haters,it comes in the form of broken hearts, disbelief, indifference and infidelity...remember this?



As we've said before, this Lifestyle is NOT for the faint of heart.

We love.

We lose.

We hurt.

But in the end, we must choose.

I choose to stand on the side of love.

My life, and my Valentine's Days are filled with much more love than not. My Valentine memories are filled with flowers from my dad delivered at school, hand drawn cards from boyfriends, candies from coworkers, and dinners with girlfriends during my single years. I love love, and I LOVE the celebration of love. Sister blogger Chandra Kamaria will call me the eternal optimist, but its true. Despite the materialism, consumption overload, and mindless one time shows of affection, that the holiday has become, I still have hope for love. Not the commercialized, syrupy sweet, "you'll find yourself on the couch if I don't get diamonds" -type of love, but the real thing.

You know, that kind of love of self that makes us say, "you know what, I AM gonna go get me a bouquet of flowers today, just to brighten up my living room." Or the kind of love that says,"I'm happy just BEing with you, now let me run you a bubble bath," or "honey, scratch my dandruff." The kind of love that says "girl, we will NOT spend our Valentine's Day lamenting our single-hood, but celebrating all that we've accomplished and learned, and being happy we've made it to this point! We LOVE life!!"

That's the legacy of Valentines day for me. As I've grown out of girlhood, daddy's flower deliveries, and love note from boyfriends, I've learned that LOVE should come as naturally as LIFE. It should be celebrated daily. Therefore, I choose to live in a space where peace guides my planet, and love guides my sun. A new day is dawning Lovers....which side will you choose?