Letter to My Former Lovers…
When Chandra Kamaria suggested we share our experiences of love as a part of the “Sophisticated Ladies” Series, I immediately said yes. I literally jumped at the suggestion, and began making some notes in my head.
There was no acrimony or bitterness, but an eagerness instead. Although there is a particular lover I’d love to “tell off,” when I look at the situation with my highest self, that of a fully developed, wholly empowered, well educated, family centered, Goddess infused matriarch in training, I understand fully, that that one particular lover was in pain, severely damaged, and acting out in the best result driven ways contained in his personal arsenal.
Therefore, I’m able to say to him, despite his bad behavior, I understand. Because as I understand the source of his pain, I hope on some subliminal level that he also understood my passion. My drive to be coupled, to know him, and to join him on a journey of healing, something so valuable, was not something that could be forced. So, in knowing him, I also came face to face with my own impatience, stubbornness, and aggressive nature. All virtues in my professional struggles, but incredibly out of place in the loved filled space of a relationship. To this lover, I say thank you for being brave enough to stand on your no, when I was screaming yes. Your turning away, helped the true direction I needed to face. I am forever grateful for pointing out to me that my community holds all that I need.
To the lover that worked to be my everything despite my resistance, know that your work was not done in vain…we met at the best and worst of times. When I needed a friend, which you were, but not a lover, which you became. Your presences and absences were always felt intensely. I missed your childlike rambunctiousness when you traveled, yet it was this same personality that disrupted my naturally introverted peace seeking nature when you were present. I thank you for being man enough to share with me what I taught you, and for allowing me to grow up enough to tell you what I learned from you. I am so grateful that we were able to go our separate ways, yet maintain what is still one of the strongest and most valuable friendships in my life.
To the lover that should have been a summer romance, a fun and light affair, but unfortunately turned into a long drawn out and quite ugly and destructive union. I can only say that I am sorry. I hate that I didn’t trust myself enough to make the best decisions for the both of us. I’m disappointed that it was with you that I saw the ugliest parts of myself. The dissolution of our union forced me into a serious deep depression. A stripping down of myself and the questioning of everything I “thought” I knew. The scars were deep, and no doubt others had to pay for my experiences with you. The only regret I harbor is that our children, to this day, suffer the consequences of our past irresponsibility, vindictiveness and lack of communication. I've made my peace with the past, but it is tempered with the knowledge that some things can not be undone, and certain consequences are permanent.
Finally…to the one who started it all. My high school sweetheart. My friend. You were there for me, supported me and loved me through all of my growing pains. When I needed a friend, you listened. When there were adventures to be had, you were at my side. You treated me like a lady, and acted like a gentleman. We exchanged our first kisses, and many other firsts, good and bad. I remember feeling grief over your deepest pains, and only disappointment at your lowest points, no matter how they affected me, I could never get angry with you. I am thankful for the shelter of our relationship throughout our child and young adult-hoods and thank you for releasing me when it was no longer safe to hold on.
Now that we are adults, I am most thankful for your survival, your living and thriving. I am most impressed with the man you have become; holding on to your sanity, living your life as an artist and seeing opportunity at every turn. I have learned, after twenty years that you are still my friend. You are still the one who I would go anywhere with, my favorite companion for adventures. You are the shoulder on which I can always rest. You are my life partner, the one that I am eternally grateful to wake to and hear “Good Morning, my friend”
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
The Good News? Sisterhood!
"Love, is a many splendored thing"…And today, we here at LoveJonesLifestyle are excited to participate for the first time in the Good News Tuesday Blog carnival initiated by Wayne Hicks over at The AfroSpear .
Today’s good news celebrates the love of sisterhood, the magic of the internet and the operation of the Universe at its most divine heights.
About two years ago, while recovering from a very painful breakup and the subsequent end of a six year relationship, I embarked on a process of reinvention. The steps I followed, almost instinctively, mirror those of the 31 Day Restart
organized by Ms. Rosetta Thurmond of www.happyblackwoman.com
One of the most important steps I took was joining an on line community of women, known as the Black Mom’s Club founded by Sister LaShanda Henry. The women of BMC as we affectionately called our group consisted of women from various walks of life, a few men who supported us in our efforts, and lots and lots of love, advice, expertise and desire to connect.
That fateful decision made literally years ago, in the midst of a pieced together recovery process led not only to my first experiences at blogging, but to the knowledge that I was not alone, an entry into a healthy community of women who were willing to discuss difficult issues in parenting and relationships, and a treasure trove of resources related to education, health, wellness and support. There were hundreds of groups in the club, from moms of boys all the way to home schooling. We engaged in spirited and lively debates, shared resources about relocation, and supported many a single sister through pregnancy and the early stages of motherhood.
Recently, I had the opportunity to bring an on line friendship into the real world, and was pleasantly surprised that instead of a casual acquaintance, I ended up meeting a woman with whom I shared so much in common that our meeting could not simply be attributed to mere coincidence, but to the divine orchestrations of the Universe itself.
Over a two hour coffee date, we discovered we not only attended the same school, but held the same major, and similar career plans. We had worked in the same field prior to completing our educations, and both appreciated the necessity for mentorship as a part of our relationships. We even delved a bit into our relationships with men, spirituality, and the need for sisterhood. The recognition of this need was a turning point in my view of my new acquaintance. For all of the negative publicity women receive (See the Crunk Feminist Collective’s take on RHOA and other Black Woman Drama here ) I was happy to meet someone who operated in the spirit of true friendship and sisterhood. It was truly pleasant to encounter someone who had a healthy view of herself, others and life in general.
In our pursuit of the LoveJonesLifestyle we often become consumed by the process of creation, our art, and “keeping our heads above water”. However, we know, without a doubt that community and often for women, sisterhood is the place that offers us the safety and strength to ply our wares in the marketplace. Our communities nurture us and encourage us to share our talent with the marketplace. Without those special sister to sister relationships, we are often left unanchored, lost and alone. How do you take time to create the community you want, need and that will ultimately allow you to flourish?
* photo courtesy of www.corbisimages.com
Today’s good news celebrates the love of sisterhood, the magic of the internet and the operation of the Universe at its most divine heights.
About two years ago, while recovering from a very painful breakup and the subsequent end of a six year relationship, I embarked on a process of reinvention. The steps I followed, almost instinctively, mirror those of the 31 Day Restart
organized by Ms. Rosetta Thurmond of www.happyblackwoman.com
One of the most important steps I took was joining an on line community of women, known as the Black Mom’s Club founded by Sister LaShanda Henry. The women of BMC as we affectionately called our group consisted of women from various walks of life, a few men who supported us in our efforts, and lots and lots of love, advice, expertise and desire to connect.
That fateful decision made literally years ago, in the midst of a pieced together recovery process led not only to my first experiences at blogging, but to the knowledge that I was not alone, an entry into a healthy community of women who were willing to discuss difficult issues in parenting and relationships, and a treasure trove of resources related to education, health, wellness and support. There were hundreds of groups in the club, from moms of boys all the way to home schooling. We engaged in spirited and lively debates, shared resources about relocation, and supported many a single sister through pregnancy and the early stages of motherhood.
Recently, I had the opportunity to bring an on line friendship into the real world, and was pleasantly surprised that instead of a casual acquaintance, I ended up meeting a woman with whom I shared so much in common that our meeting could not simply be attributed to mere coincidence, but to the divine orchestrations of the Universe itself.
Over a two hour coffee date, we discovered we not only attended the same school, but held the same major, and similar career plans. We had worked in the same field prior to completing our educations, and both appreciated the necessity for mentorship as a part of our relationships. We even delved a bit into our relationships with men, spirituality, and the need for sisterhood. The recognition of this need was a turning point in my view of my new acquaintance. For all of the negative publicity women receive (See the Crunk Feminist Collective’s take on RHOA and other Black Woman Drama here ) I was happy to meet someone who operated in the spirit of true friendship and sisterhood. It was truly pleasant to encounter someone who had a healthy view of herself, others and life in general.
In our pursuit of the LoveJonesLifestyle we often become consumed by the process of creation, our art, and “keeping our heads above water”. However, we know, without a doubt that community and often for women, sisterhood is the place that offers us the safety and strength to ply our wares in the marketplace. Our communities nurture us and encourage us to share our talent with the marketplace. Without those special sister to sister relationships, we are often left unanchored, lost and alone. How do you take time to create the community you want, need and that will ultimately allow you to flourish?
* photo courtesy of www.corbisimages.com
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